The Politics of Screwing

A Tale of Two Drivers

I spend a great deal of time in my workshop these days. Working alone with no particular deadline induces a particularly contemplative atmosphere. I am no longer focused on what other people think. As I trundle along on various projects and continuously examine the tools at my disposal, my mind drifts into that sphere where I consider only what it is that I should think. I’ve reached that point in my life.

The other day I had to assemble something or other. Can’t be specific. I seem to be routinely assembling things purchased. Things that I need. Or stuff my wife gets from Wayfair. They always seem to have just what she needs. And of course there’s the miniature ziplock plastic bag with the ubiquitous Phillips screws – an indication that this whatchamacallit came from the good ole US of A.

If I am close to a hardware store prior to any sort of assembly, I invariably take the representative size Phillips screw there to replace the manufacturers’ fasteners with the ones I prefer: Robertson. Having found the suitable replacements, the Phillips screws all go where they belong. In the garbage.

Akin to a wine snob, I am a screw snob.

So while puttering about on this assembly, my contemplation of Phillips versus Robertson began to morph into a political simile, based largely on an earlier outburst of “Those goddam Americans and their goddam screws”.

Now I realize this blog is supposed to be about scale and context, so I am going to have to emphasize the scale of my analysis. I am going from a hand tool here (something with which architects are well acquainted) to a comparison of North American democracies.

Firstly, for those of you who have never assembled anything: a physical comparison. A Phillips screw is characterized by a cruciform head. This is excised into each screw like two little valleys on an XY axis. The companion screwdriver tip looks like a convex cross as well, slightly tapered to fit into the valleys.

A Robertson screw features a square recess. The companion screwdriver has a square box at the tip to perfectly match the screw recess.

So if symbolism counted for anything, the Phillips screw suggests far right-wing religious orthodoxy while the Roberts screw is pure science. The former illogical. The latter logical.

My one year old Phillips driver (stripped already) and my three decade old Robertson (like new)

You can see where this is going. It’s tenuous, but fun nevertheless.

Now for a brief history of screwing breakthroughs after many years of struggling with the inadequacies of the traditional slotted head. We didn’t invent democracy either, we just tried to find ways to make it fit our culture.

The Phillips screw was, in true American obfuscation, not named after the guy who invented it. We can’t even say for sure if it was Alexander Pendrew or John Thompson (the guys usually accredited). But it was named after the guy who promoted it. In true American fashion, Henry Phillips (Portland, Oregon) purchased the rights from Thompson in the late 1920s, and in a burst of egoism, named it after himself. Sound familiar?

The Robertson screw was invented by Peter Lymburner Robertson, an Ontario inventor. He opened the P.L. Robertson Manufacturing Company Ltd. in 1909, but just after WWI, the company went bankrupt due to a glut of competing screws on the market. That’s sooo Canadian. The screw guy gets screwed.

As to performance, the Phillips screw strips easily and becomes useless to the point where it is not easily removed. A great deal of force and pressure is required to influence the installation. The Robertson maintains its composure until the job is done, and in future, is easily removed. It does not require much force and can be finessed into place. If this is not a metaphor for American versus Canadian politics, there never will be one. Think Koch brothers…

Originally it was said that the Phillips screw had “cam-out” feature. This was heavily promoted as intentional to promote over-torking. This was a total crock. Today, we would characterize such assertions as fake news!

Here’s how it boils down: the Phillips screw represents inferior technology propped up by a population that doesn’t know any better. The Robertson screw (accounting for only 5% sales in the US) epitomizes superior technology that is ploughed under by a Make America Great Again attitude. Once painted over and over, the Phillips screw is very difficult to remove…

A Robertson screw is naturally self-centering. In starting a Phillips screw, it typically collapses far-left or far-right, usually damaging the population. Oh. Did I say population? Sorry. I meant product.

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